Remember the Mockingjay Peeta's POV
by love-alternative-forever
Summary: Recommendation: Read the other story first, it fills some comfusion from this one. Summary: You may have read about Katniss' last rebellion my other story, but how did Peeta feel? What was going through his mind?


_No Copyright Intended_

**(I already wrote a version of this in Katniss' view and I asked another author if she thought I should write the one-shot in Peeta's view. She told me I should, so here you go cocofierce95 **

What Do I Do Now?

I still remember the day as if it was yesterday, or maybe it was. I have stopped keeping track because after "the incident" I faded and became unknown to the world. You may wonder what could have made the infamous Peeta Mellark fade away so easily, but it was not easy at all for me. If you really want to know what destroyed my world, my reason for living, I'll tell you in three simple words that bring back immense pain and longing to be in the past: My Wedding Day.

[Flashback]

Today is the happiest day of my life. I am currently getting dressed into my tux with the help of my father, who is tying my tie. I chose to wear a simple black suit with a black bow-tie, so as not to distract from the real beauty that is Katniss Everdeen. She wouldn't tell me what dress she wore, and I haven't seen her in a couple of days, Effie's excuse of this being "It is bad luck." Little did we know, the wedding day was cursed.

Although, for the past few days before I was forced to keep a distance, Katniss had seemed off. She thought long and hard, taking more time than normal to answer what I thought to be a simple question, as if someone we monitoring every action she made and word she said. She also had more discussions with Gale that were getting longer and longer each time. I could only imagine what they were talking about, as Katniss would not let me sit in during their conversations. They made me wary, but I knew I had to trust Katniss, the distrust would just ruin our relationship after all we had been through together.

[At the wedding]

I am standing at the altar, waiting for her to come into view. No matter what I thought she would look like, I knew nothing would come close to the reality. Then the moment happens: the wedding march starts to play and she walks into view with Haymitch. I smile wider than ever before as I wait for her to reach me. When he holds out her hand, I gladly grasp it and squeeze it reassuringly to tell her I'm sure about doing this. She squeezes mine right back, but it seems somewhat forced, which causes me to wonder what is going through her head.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I repeat my vows after the Priest says them, for Katniss and the world to hear. I smile and slide her ring onto her finger, smiling even more when she slides my ring onto my finger. Then the words I have been waiting for: "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I hugged her tightly to me and kissed her passionately, not wanting the moment to end, but also wanting a bit of privacy from the eyes of everyone in the Capitol, the districts, and even this very church.

[After the ceremony, at the reception]

After becoming Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark, we head to our reception and dance the night away. The first dance, or course, being between Katniss and Haymitch, who is acting as her father. The next, being between my mother and I. Then finally, the dance of the newly weds. We dance the night away, kiss numerous times, and eat quite a bit too, hardly separating from each other. After what seems like minutes, 12:30 AM rolls around and we are thanking our guests for coming and celebrating with us. Around 12:45, everyone is gone and we head to our room.

When we get to the room, we are both exhausted. I am practically falling asleep as I watch Katniss walk around the room. When she walks into the bathroom, I ask for a glass of water. She briskly fills a glass and walks out of the bathroom to hand it to me. I immediately gulp it down. When I start to feel really drowsy, I start to fully realize that the water tasted differently, syrupy- if you will. Then everything fades to blackness. (**A/N: If you don't already know, read **

"**Remember the Mockingjay" for more info.)**

[A Few Hours Later]

When I wake up again, I look at the clock, which reads 2:30 AM. I look around the room and Katniss is nowhere to be found. That's odd, I think to myself, where could she be? Then I thought of something: The long talks with Gale that I wasn't allowed to listen to. Was she going behind my back?

In the back of my mind, I knew this thought was irrational, but still the thought lingered, planting doubt of her love into my mind.

Just then, she walked in the door. She seemed to be hiding her arms and her dress. Hmm… I wonder why. As I waited for her to come out of the bathroom again, I heard the shower start and I sighed. Deciding to think while I had the time, I thought back to a couple of hours ago, wondering why I had fallen asleep so easily. Then I remember that the water tasted weird, so I picked up the cup and sniffed it. Sure enough, there was a sweet-sickly scent that made my nose wrinkle in recognition. Cough medicine, aka the stuff she had used during the first hunger games we had been in together to put me to sleep.

"I can't believe this…" I mumbled to myself as I heard the water shut off. A few minutes later, Katniss emerged from the bathroom in long sleeves and shorts.

"Peeta? Are you okay?" she had asked.

I will not lie, I thought to myself before I simply stated, "How could you?" letting the anger flow into my voice without trying to disguise it.

She had an upset and worried expression on her face when she asked, "How could I what?"

This made me even angrier. "you drugged me again so you could go somewhere… probably to go rendezvous with Gale." I said, mumbling the last part about Gale while small tears streamed down my face. My anger was dissipating; I could not stay mad at the girl I love for any longer.

I sat staring at the ground when she crawled onto the bed next to me and turned on a dim light then she hugged me. I did not want her to hug me because I did not want comforting, but I eventually gave in, too exhausted to resist. Then she said something that was completely unexpected, "What was the last thing you said, I couldn't understand you?"

She sounded so sincere when she asked this question that I regretted ever muttering the words, even if she hadn't heard them. I was so surprised by this question and so unwilling to tell her the answer that my response came out stuttered, "I-I."

She hugged me tighter then, saying "Please tell me…" The tone of her voice said she wouldn't get mad, but I knew she would.

With deep regret, I uttered the words again, louder so she could hear them. "I said that you had probably gone off to rendezvous with Gale or something like that and hadn't wanted me to know." After saying these words, I turned away from her, not wanting to see the hurt that I knew would be written across her face.

Tears were still streaming steadily down my cheeks as I saw Katniss' feet in front of me, me she had walked in front of me to tell me something. Something I knew would break my heart and by the way she was standing, I could tell she was very angry with me. But I couldn't blame her. On the other hand, could you blame me for my assumption?

I looked up to face her and saw streams of tears flowing freely down her face as she glared at me. "I cannot believe you don't trust me," she whispered, so soft that it was barely audible, "The worst part of it all is that I am actually in love with you. It isn't pretend for me anymore." Then she turned and walked away, stomping on my heart with every step she took.

At first, I planned to just go to bed, but I soon realized that was a horrible plan and went to go after her. I wanted to apologize and let her know that I was wrong, that I did trust her and that I had just been hurt that she had drugged me instead of telling me where she was going. I walked into the hallway of the large house where we were staying and tried to find where she might've gone in this maze. I started to go right, but then decided to walk left.

After about twenty minutes of searching, I heard groaning that sounded like Katniss, and it sounded like she was in pain. It was coming from the other direction so I quickly ran around, trying to find a way closer to the sound of my beloved. I got lost a few times and it was only when I heard the crying and screaming that I found my way closer to her. I couldn't tell what was going on, just that it was terrible, and it tore my heart apart that I was unable to protect her because of something stupid I had said.

Just as I felt like she would be around the corner, the screaming stopped, which made me sprint towards where I thought it was coming from. The room smelled of bath soaps, so I assumed it was a spa. I tried to open the door, but it was locked. Then I tried knocking, and when no one opened the door or even responded, I started to panic and threw myself against the door. I worried more when I heard gasps of pain. On the other side of the door, furniture was being moved and I saw the shadows under the door turning completely dark. Someone had barricaded the door.

"KATNISS! KATNISS!" I screamed repeatedly as I banged against the door.

When I stopped to take a short breather, I heard a faint voice call out, "Peeta!" The weakness behind the voice tore me apart than the previous events of the night ever could have.

"Katniss? Open the door! Please? What's going on?" I beseeched, waiting for a response.

"Peeta, I love you! And I didn't do this!" She responded, even weaker. It sounded as if she was dying and had used the last bit of strength she had.

More determined than ever, I proceeded to bang on the door again, not planning to give up unless the door was open. "Katniss? What didn't you do?" I was panting as I said this and I could not be bothered to hide any of the emotion in my voice. When she didn't reply, I my pounding became relentless until finally the door smashed open, sending the furniture flying towards the wall. "Katniss? Oh god! HELP!" I screamed, horrified at what I saw. My wife was in her wedding dress with cuts up and down her arms, bleeding into the water. When I looked into the water, I realized she was wearing her wedding dress, meaning someone had gone into our room, gotten it and come here to torture her. "Who did this to you?" I demanded, crest-fallen when she shook her head. I walked to the tub as tears made their way down my face once again, heavier and faster than ever before. I knelt by the tub and noticed she was crying, too.

I reached into the tub, pulled her hand out of the crimson water, and kissed her. "I'm sorry I said what I did. I didn't mean it; I trust you and know you were probably doing something important. I love you Katniss, please don't leave me." Regret filled my every word at the start, but my voice quickly filled with loving and desperation when I voiced my feelings.

I noticed she was blinking for longer and blinking at a slower pace. I was still holding her hand and it was feeling icy cold. As I went to kiss her again, I heard footsteps run into the room while a voice exclaimed, "Catnip? Peeta?" Then Gale started to cry. I knew at once who it was, and was thankful that someone had heard the cries for help. But I also knew that Katniss' death would be inevitable and wished that I could spend her final moments with her alone. I laid my head on the edge of the tub, unable to hold anything back.

"I love you both, tell everyone I love them and that I didn't do this to myself. Remember the mockingjay," she whispers, barely audible above the cries from me and Gale. Although one thing confused me, what did she mean by "Remember the mockingjay?" It must be relevant to where she was tonight. Otherwise, she probably wouldn't have said it.

Once I was done crying, my eyes were extremely dry. My first action was draining the water from the tub and kissing Katniss one last time. Gale and I then carried her to the room I was staying in and laid her on the bed. We started planning the funeral together and I knew two things for certain: I would get revenge on whoever took away my reason for living. The other thing was that my wedding day was both the best and worst day of my life.

[Present]

Today is the tenth year anniversary of our wedding and Katniss' death. I still cannot believe she is gone. When Gale had left that night, I turned on the television, unable to sleep. I saw her message and cried tears I did not know were still there. After the video, rebellion began everywhere and the districts defeated the capitol. As a reminder of how we became free once again, the new president plans to show her message again. I know she died for a good cause and I couldn't help but be proud of her. I just wish I had died, too.

In fact, I plan to end my tortured life tonight. I cannot live any longer without her and I can't help but feel guilt that I hadn't moved on when I know that is what she would have wanted me to do. I was just too weak to move on, always grieving over her death.

That is why I became numb to the world. It was too much for me and I couldn't cope. So now, I plan to end my life, or my tortured existence as I call it, so I can be with her once again. Now it may sound cheesy to say, but I never forgot _my_ mockingjay.


End file.
